Oneechan
by Montanto
Summary: Did you know Ranma has an older sister? Neither did he! She's smart, sexy. cool, and drinks like a fish!
1. Default Chapter

Everything pertaining too Ranma 1/2 belongs to Rumiko Takahashi, everything pertaining to Evangelion belongs too Gainex (and no

Everything pertaining too Ranma 1/2 belongs to Rumiko Takahashi, everything pertaining to Evangelion belongs too Gainex (and not Ms. Saotome) so without further ado Montanto Productions presents. 

Oneechan

An Evangelion/Ranma Fanfic

By Bill Morse

Chapter 1. 

The Student Teacher

The tall blonde walked through the school cafeteria as if she owned the place. She stopped at a table where a woman her own age sat hunched over a notebook, writing diligently. The blonde pulled up a seat and sat down in front of her. "So, Misato, are you excited?" she asked. "If I didn't know any better I'd say that you were nervous."

Misato was a beautiful woman with long purple hair and an obnoxiously sunny disposition. This was hard to tell at the moment she looked half dead from exhaustion and slightly rumpled. She looked up from what she was writing and glared at her best friend and roommate. "Gee, thanks Ritsuko, she hissed. You had to remind me, didn't you! I finally managed to get it out of my mind."

Ritsuko sipped her coffee. "Hey don't worry it's not as if it's the end of the world or anything. It's only your first day of student teaching."

"You only think that because you don't have my professor," Misato grumbled.

"Come on Misato, Ikari can't be that bad."

"Worse, he's much worse."

"Don't tell me you believe any of those rumors you told me about?"

"No one saw those two again."

"Yeah, right. But I still think you're overreacting. You've got something else on your mind. I can tell." Ritsuko said eyeing her friend carefully.

"Okay, you're right. My Mom called."

"You and your Mom are talking now?" Ritsuko hid her smile behind her coffee mug.

"I didn't say that, she left a message," Misato said looking very annoyed. "Besides it's not as if you're in good terms with *your* parents."

Ritsuko glared at Misato for a moment, frowning "That's different," she growled. "So what did your Mom say?"

"Nothing much, something about some friends she's been visiting. Apparently my father was staying with them.

" So the dead beat dad's trail warms at last."

"My father is not a dead beat!" Misato shouted standing up to face Ritsuko.

"Oh, I'm sorry, my mistake. Running off with your kid brother and leaving you and your Mom to fend for yourselves is perfectly normal behavior in modern society. How silly of me to forget."

"Can we change the subject, please?" Misato asked. She was not in the mood for either a fight or Ritsuko's sarcasm.

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry. So, what are you writing now?" Ritsuko asked looking at her friend's notebook.

"It's my latest idea for a science fiction novel! It takes place fourteen years in the future. Tokyo is being attacked by these mysterious aliens called angels and the only thing between them and certain destruction are these robots called Evas. What do you think?"

Ritsuko paused for a few moments trying to think of a way not to hurt her friend's feelings. "I don't know, besides the Judeo-Christian motif it sounds like a typical mecha story."

Misato looked down at her writing pensively. "You're right, but there's something about it that makes me think it has possibilities. All it need is something. I don't know what, but I'm going to keep working on it."

"Well, more power to you," Ritsuko said sipping her coffee, "just as long as you didn't make me the bitchy scientist again."

Misato turned red smiled sheepishly and slammed her notebook shut. "Er, ah, no, whatever gave you that idea?"

Ritsuko smiled knowingly as she took a final sip from her coffee and got up from the table. "Intuition. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some thing to take care of before my class starts at noon. See you later."

"Ritsuko?"

"What?"

"The bathroom's that way."

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

"Come on Ranma, that's ridiculous.

"I'm serious, Akane. Something's going to happen," Ranma said nervously looking around the classroom.

"Alright you have a 'feeling' I still think you're being paranoid."

"Think about it, Akane. I haven't been splashed in a week, Shampoo's visiting relatives in China, Kunou's sick, Ryouga's lost, and that crazy teacher from England quit."

"You're being unfair to Gumby-Sensei. He wasn't anywhere near as bad as the one he replaced. You know, the one who wore his raincoat indoors and talked about parrots and all of his pets named 'Erik'" Akane said in the man's defense.

"Akane, he wore a handkerchief on his head! And who rolls their pants up like that? Where does Principal Kunou find these people? Anyway, it's quiet now, but for how long? It's only a matter of time before Ryouga shows up with a new secret technique or Shampoo or Kodachi plan something."

"I suppose you think those three are martial artists out to kill you." Akane said indicating the three new transfer students, (who the class had nicknamed the Wimp, the Gaijin, and the Girl) sitting in the back of the classroom.

The Girl actually didn't have a nickname, yet, but no one had bothered to come up with anything or even ask her name for that matter. She was odd looking with she had light, almost white, skin and red eyes. Her hair was a light blue. Since she had entered the classroom, about fifteen minutes ago, she had said nothing and just stared out of the window.

The Gaijin was a pretty red head who chatted with anyone who bothered to talk to her. She seemed to like the sound of her own voice.

There was nothing special about the Wimp. He was just an ordinary kid though a bit scrawny. He looked as if he was desperately trying to blend in with the furniture.

"Oh come on Akane, be serious," Ranma said shaking his head, "that guy makes Gosunkugi look butch. Maybe it will rain today." Ranma said hopefully after looking at the new students.

Akane shrugged, shaking her heads and went back to talking with Sayuri and Yuka.

"Alright everyone take your seats." Miss Hinako said, entering the room with another woman. "We have three new students today but first I would like to introduce the knew student teacher who will be here for the rest of the semester. This is her first day, so everyone be nice to her. I'll let her introduce herself.

Every male student gasped in admiration as the woman walked to the front of the class and wrote her name on the blackboard. She was beautiful, in her early twenties, with long purple hair, and dressed in a black mini skirt and red jacket. She wore a large gold cross around her neck. She turned and smiled broadly. "Hi everybody, I'm Misato Saotome! I know we're going to get along just fine."

Ranma's jaw dropped in shock.

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

For once, Ranma paid complete attention to the classwork. This was an impressive feat as the English lesson was boring even by Miss Hinako's standards. He had a sneaking suspicion Miss Hinako was reading VCR instructions. Still, he kept his eyes glued to the blackboard from behind his textbook. Never looking behind him for a second. The reason for this was Misato Saotome. Sure, she was pretty, and really cool, but all of his survival mechanisms told him not to get involved no matter what. Right now he almost wished that Shampoo would come crashing through a wall on her bicycle or Kunou would run in with the latest of his romantic fantasies. When was good luck ever so bad?

As far as he could tell, he was one of the only students paying attention to the lesson at all. With very few exceptions (most notably the new students, who had been introduced as Shinji, Rei and Asuka) the rest of the class was concentrating on Misato. It had in fact for the first 15 minutes impossible for Miss Hinako to even start the class. Misato had been circled by a mob of all of the boys of the class asking all sorts of questions.

"Ms Misato, do you have a boyfriend?"

"Ms Misato, what are your measurements?"

"Ms Misato, what is your bloodtype?"

"Ms Misato, do you have any relationship too Ranyowtch!!! What the hell did you do that for Ranmmph!!" The last question had been from Hiroshi. Ranma had thumped him before he had gotten the chance to finish the question and clamped a hand over his mouth before Hiroshi could get Ranma's name out.

Fortunately Misato had missed the scuffle mainly because the girls were just as bad.

"Ms Misato, where do you get your hair done?"

"Ms Misato, what perfume are you using?

"Ms Misato, how can we get a figure like yours?"

Too make matters worse, Misato actually encouraged this by answering everyone's questions and flirting shamelessly as if it were all a colossal joke. Finally Miss Hinako got so mad that even the usual bribes of comic books and candy did not work and everyone sat down to endure the lesson.

This was going to be a long day, Ranma thought to himself.

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Hey, Rits, It's me," Misato said merrily standing in the train station's pay phone.

"Hello, Misato, How'd it go?" Ritsuko asked on the other end.

"Pretty good, I think. Kind of weird though. A ten year old girl was teaching the class. Well, she wasn't really ten years old but . . . well, you wouldn't believe me if I told you. Theres times I think I'm cursed. Do you know who one of the new students was? Shinji Ikari, does my professor put spies in all of the classes his students teach in?" The other thing there was this one student, not bad looking, future stud potential."

"Don't tell me your desperate enough to start scouting high schools for dates," Ritsuko said facetiously.

"Would you cut it out? That wasn't my point, If I didn't know better I'd say he was avoiding me. I only got a couple of good looks at him the entire day.I know I sound crazy saying this but he looked really familiar."

"You always sound crazy. Anyway I'll see you later. Enjoy your surprise."

"Surprise? Wait a minute, what surprise?" It was too late. Ritsuko had hung up. Misato shrugged and ran to catch her train.

Sitting down once she got into the train, Misato got out her notebook and began to write.

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

"Red alert! Red Alert! An Angel is attacking. Repeat, an Angel is attacking! Scramble the Evas! Repeat, scramble the Evas!" Captain Misato Katsuragi ran down the corridor, in full flight gear, to the Eva entrance tube. A handsome muscular officer ran to catch up with her.

"What's the status, Lt. Ryoji?" Katsuraji demanded.

"Ma'am the angel is within 30 kilometers of Tokyo and closing fast. You've got to hurry. The Eva is the only thing that can stop it. "

"Well there's nothing for it is there? Smoke me a kipper, I'll be home for breakfast." Captain Katsutaji putting her helmet on as she leaped down the entrance tube.

"Be careful, Captain," Lt. Ryoji shouted as he watched the captain slide down the tube, "I love you."

Captain Misato Katsuraji landed in the Eva's cockpit. "What's our status?" she asked.

"All lights green, Captain," The voice from the speaker said.

"Great! Launch Eva!" Captain Katsuraji shouted. The Eva shot out of the hanger into the light of day. "Thrusters on!" Katsuraji shouted pushing the controls. Metal wings popped out of the Eva's back and fire flashed out of its feet. And the Eva flew into the air, hurtling towards its quarry.

The Angel was much larger then the countless others she had fought in the past. The Seelie Empire had out done itself when it created this walking monstrosity. But this had never stopped her before.

"Eva missiles!" She shouted. Twin missiles fired from the Eva's wrist hitting the angel square in the back.

The Angel turned towards her seemingly unaffected. It fired a blast of energy knocking the Eva over.

"Damn! It's too powerful!" Misato shouted, "There's only one thing left to do."

"Captain Katsuraji, no!" Professor Akagi shouted over the radio, "you've sustained to much damage. If you continue the attack you'll be killed."

"Damn It Ritsuko! Which is more important, me or the future of humanity? I've got to do it." Energy formed around the Eva as it charged its final attack. "ABSOLUTE TERROR BLAST!!!!!"

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

Misato looked at her work shaking her head. Absolute terror blast? This is what I write like when I'm sober? If Ritsuko sees this she'll have enough blackmail material to last a lifetime.

She tore the page from the notebook and crumbled it into a tiny little ball. "It comes from watching too many Grandizer and Giking reruns as a kid," she muttered to herself as she left the train. Still there were a few bit worth saving, albeit small ones. She thought playing with her crucifix. Captain Katsuraji had a ring to it.

-*--*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

"It's a coincidence. It's got to be a coincidence!" Ranma repeated a mantra as he and Akane walked home on the way from school.

"Well, Saotome is a fairly common name." Akane said trying to be helpful.

"It's not that common. With my luck she knows Mom." Ranma said frantically.

"Oh like she could really tell with you trying to hide from her all day. Besides there was so much going on Miss Hinako didn't even get a chance to take attendance. If you're that worried about all this just go with the wet look for a few days."

"What do you mean the wet loo . . . no, oh no!! It's bad enough having to hide in plain sight in front of Mom thanks to that damn Panda there is no way that I am going to do the same thing in school for the rest of the semester as well!"

"Oh well. I'm just telling your options. If you don't like them don't go crying to me." Akane said curtly.

"Crying? Who the hell is crying and what do you know about it ya kawaikune tomboy?!"

"Fine! See if I help you any more! Baka!" Akane shouted back. They continued to argue all the way home. Comfortable in their familiar ground.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

The apartment that Misato shared with Ritsuko was about a kilometer away from school at the northern edge of the Nerima prefect. It was fairly nice for its price range and had a gorgeous view of a park. PenPen was there waiting for her, enthusiastic as usual, as she opened the door.

PenPen had been a gift from Ritsuko's parents. The one time Misato had actually met them, their dog, Shirokuro had a litter of puppies they were giving away. PenPen was all gray on one side and white on the other. Though nowhere as impressive as the stark black and white of his mother, he was a gorgeous dog.

Misato looked around as she kneeled down to pet PenPen. There was something about the place. It was clean. This wasn't too strange, Ritsuko always kept her part of the apartment in good order, especially her cat collectibles, but this was different. It was perfect, almost sterile. A pine scent permeated the room. From the kitchen Misato could hear a clink of a dish in the sink. She walked in knowing full well who it was.

A woman in her mid fifties, though looking much younger, with reddish brown hair dressed in a formal Kimono underneath her apron stood in front of the sink washing dishes.

"Mother, what are you doing here?" Misato demanded.

Nodoka Saotome turned to her daughter and smiled sweetly. "Why hello, Misato-chan. Your friend Ritsuko let me in."

"Oh did she?" Misato muttered.

"She really is a very nice girl. Why can't you be more like her?"

"Well, to start with, it would mean giving up bran entirely." Misato muttered under her breath.

"What was that, Dear?" Nodoka asked.

"Nothing, Mother, nothing," Misato said quickly. "So what do I owe the pleasure of your company?"

"There's no need to be rude, Misato-chan, with an attitude like that it's no wonder you don't have a husband."

Actually it's because the first thing they ask me on the second date is " tell me Misato-chan, does your mother still carry that pig sticker around," Misato thought to herself.

"To answer your question, I was on my way to visit the Tendous and I was wondering if you would like to come along."

"To see if there's finally a chance of seeing Dad and Ranma?" Misato asked walking over to the refrigerator.

"We can only hope, at least you can get to meet Ranko-chan."

"Ranko-chan?" Misato repeated pausing in front of the refrigerator.

"Why yes, dear. She's Mr. Tendou's niece. She's very sweet but seems a bit tomboyish. Still I think all she needs is a woman's touch."

"Kind of like the daughter you never had, huh?" Misato said opening the refrigerator door.

"Oh Misato-chan, you know I love you. It's just some times I wish you would be more proper and, well, more ladylike."

Misato said nothing. She was too busy staring at the contents of the fridge. It was filled with an excellent selection of foods. Some of them looked healthy. Something vital was missing.

"Mother, where's my beer?"

"I threw it out. It really isn't good to drink that much, Misato-chan, and hardly feminine."

Before Misato had a chance to loose her temper the doorbell rang. "Just a second, Mother," she said and marched to the doorway thanking the gods for this brief respite.

Ritsuko's underclassman Maya Ibuki was standing in the hallway. She looked very worried. "Oh, hello Misato-san. Have you seen Ritsuko-Sempai?" she asked.

"She hasn't come home yet, Maya," Misato had a good idea where this was going.

Maya looked frantic. "I'm sorry, Sempai. I swear I just turned my back for one minute and she was gone. If only I was more careful.

"Don't worry, Maya. It happens to all of us," Misato said comforting the younger woman. "She'll show up in a few days. Just you wait; we used to have a pool going in the freshman dorm. I used to make a fortune."

"But Sempai, she has an exam tomorrow! If this effects her grade point average what. . ."

"Look, Ritsuko's a big girl. She has a cell phone. She'll call if she has a problem. Besides, how far can she can she get in one hour?"

As if on cue, the phone rang. "See?" Misato said smiling as she went to answer it. "Hello? Oh, Hi Ritsuko we were just talking about you. Where are you?" She paused, listening to Ritsuko's description. I need a little more to go on then 'somewhere around Fujikawa,' Ritsuko," she said impatiently.

She quickly drew the phone back to avoid Ritsuko's retort. "Okay, I'm sorry. Are there any road signs near you?" Please don't let her be in the middle of the woods." Okay, Good, tell me what they say. There's no need to get sarcastic. Okay I've got it."

Misato wrote down the address and handed it too Maya who started to look through her pocket atlas. She gave Misato a thumbs up sign.

"Okay, we found it. Stay there and we should be there in about an hour. Great, bye."

"How her family even manages to reproduce is beyond me," Misato said hanging up the phone.

"Mother, we're going to have to make a slight detour on the way to the Tendous is that alright?"

Oh so you want to come with me then? Nodoka asked drying her hands as she walked out of the kitchen.

"Of course, Mother. I'd love to meet Ranko-chan," Misato said.

"That's wonderful, Dear. Oh, before we go I wonder if you could do one little favor for me."

"Mother, I'm not wearing the kimono," Misato said before Nodoka could even finish the request.

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

"Misato? Why would I know a Misato?" Genma asked. He sounded hesitant.

"Give it a rest, Pop. She's a Saotome. What if she knows Mom? What if she finds out about the curse and spills the beans? C'mon Pop, Is there a Misato in the family or not?"

There were times when Ranma was convinced that his father had a hidden supply of cold water bottles hidden throughout the house for such occasions. A large panda, playing with a tire in front of him, supported this theory.

"Hello? Is there anyone here?" a frightenly familiar voice asked.

"Shit! It's Mom!" Ranma hissed. Before he had a chance to respond in any way. The Panda had thrown the rest of the cold water on him. Grumbling she walked to the foyer to great her mother yet again.

Mr. Tendou was there with Kasumi talking to Nodoka. Nodoka was there with two young woman in their mid twenties. One was dressed in what looked like fashionable hiking gear carrying a daypack. Her hair was died blonde. The other had purple hair and was dressed in a black miniskirt and red jacket and looked far too familiar.


	2. Girls Night Out

For the record, Ranma and company are the property of Rumiko Takahashi

For the record, Ranma and company are the property of Rumiko Takahashi. Evangelion is the property of Gainex (and not Ms Saotome) And so without further ado, Montanto Productions presents. 

Oneechan

A Ranma/Evangelion Xover

(Sort of)

Chapter Two

Girls Night Out

One of Misato's most vivid childhood memories was watching her mother practice katana. She looked so poised and beautiful, as she stood in the backyard in her white obi holding the sword before her. The light of the morning sun flashed against the steel blade. Lost in concentration Nodoka stared at the straw post she was using for practice. At the right moment she rose the sword and swung. A loud "thunk" could be heard behind her.

Nodoka looked at her empty hands and the unharmed target confused. She realized what had happened and spun around to see her young daughter standing next to the katana imbedded in a wooden post. Misato glanced at the meter long steel blade, which had missed her by mere centimeters. Her face was ashen gray.

"Mommy? I think I wet myself." 

* * * * * * *

"I don't want to talk about it," Ritsuko gritted her teeth, concentrating on her compact, and washed some dirt off her face with a tissue. She had refused to so much as look at Misato since the Saotomes had found her waiting impatiently under a street sign in Chiba.

She was dressed in a white Hello Kitty polo shirt; denim cut offs, an L.L Bean backpack and leather-hiking boots. A yellow and black bandanna around her neck completed the look. Ritsuko favored hiking gear as her usual look. It gave her the excuse of saying she was "off on a little stroll" whenever her "incidents" occurred. This worked for most situations. Though, as certain Ainu folktales about the blonde wanderer showed, it was hardly enough.

Misato shrugged. Ritsuko's favorite method of dealing with her "incidents" was to deny they ever happened. This usually provided Misato with a great source of amusement but with her mother walking just ahead she wasn't in the mood.

"Would you stop doing that?" Ritsuko asked as Misato yanked her arm to keep her from turning at a corner.

"Girls, there's no need to fight," Nodoka said cheerfully.

"Sorry Mother," Misato said quickly. "Honestly, it's like I stopped growing when I turned ten, " she whispered to Ritsuko.

"Oh, Poor baby." Ritsuko ran to catch up to Nodoka. "Are we nearly there, Mrs. Saotome?" she asked.

"Just a few minutes, Ritsuko-chan," Nodoka smiled.

"Brown nose," Misato muttered as Ritsuko returned to her side. Ritsuko grinned.

"Say, I've been wondering. What's the deal with the katana, anyway?" Ritsuko pointed at the silken bundle in Nodoka's arms.

"Ixnay on the ordsway," Misato hissed. She had far too many memories regarding that damn sword. Of course it did make parent-teacher meetings interesting to say the least. 

* * * * * * *

The Tendou household was a medium sized estate surrounded by a large wall, which dwarfed everything else in the neighborhood.

"Gee, this guy must be loaded," Ritsuko whistled as they passed through the large wooden gate. She didn't think houses like this still existed, at least not in this part of Tokyo. Here was a place you could forget about the madness of the outside world just by sitting in the garden, with a koi pond no less. The only thing that really spoiled the effect were a pile of broken cinderblocks and a rather sad looking straw dummy with a black pigtail made of yarn nailed to it. Misato's mother had said her friend ran a martial arts dojo.

"I thought I told you to stop that," she growled, as Misato yanked her arm again.

"Look, it's a big garden. Even with the gate shut you could be going around in circles for hours," Misato explained, ignoring Ritsuko's glare.

"Girls, could you please behave while we're here?" Nodoka begged, knocking on the door.

A young woman in her late teens came to greet them. She had a natural beauty that shone even through her hausfrau getup. She wore her long brown hair in a ponytail. She smiled warmly.

"Why, Auntie Saotome, what a pleasant surprise. How are you today?" she bowed politely.

"Hello, Kasumi-chan. It's wonderful to see you again." Nodoka returned the bow, "Is Ranma here today?"

Kasumi turned to listen to what sounded like a loud argument coming from inside the house. It ended with the sound of splashing water. "I'm sorry Auntie, but Ranma and Uncle Saotome left on a short training trip just this morning," she frowned shaking her head

"Pretty good timing, " Ritsuko whispered to Misato.

"Be quiet," Misato whispered, jabbing her friend in the ribs.

Her mother ignored them and hung her head sadly. "That's a shame, Kasumi-chan. May we come in? It's always nice to talk to friends."

"Of course, Auntie, you're always welcome here," Kasumi smiled.

*-*-*-*-*-*

Misato studied their host, Soun Tendou. He was a tall man with stern features. He was very handsome for his age. He was obviously a free thinker who didn't give a damn about traditional mores as his shoulder length hair showed. It looked fantastic on him. It was so rare for a man of that generation to wear his hair long. A simple black gi covered what was obviously a fantastic physique.

A quick nudge from Ritsuko brought her out of her train of thought. She gave a quick glance at the room's other occupants. There was Kasumi, of course, and her sisters, Nabiki and Akane. Misato recognized Akane from her student teaching. Akane looked a little tenser at home then she did at school. She was feeding table scraps to a small black piglet sitting on her lap. Another girl with red hair, tied in a pigtail, sat next to Akane, fidgeting constantly. Misato returned her attention to Tendou-san.

There was a look of intensity in his eyes. In one of her more romantic phases in high school Misato was convinced that the eyes were a window to the soul. If this was the case she could tell that Soun Tendou was a controlled and stable man who probably wasn't willing to take any crap from anyone.

"I'm delighted to see you again, Saotome-san," Soun said folding his arms. "I'm sorry that you missed Ranma and Genma yet again."

Wow, a baritone too. I wonder if he's single, Misato wondered.

"Thank you, Tendou-san, Nodoka said politely. "I'd like to introduce my daughter, Misato . . . "

"It's an honor to meet you, Tendou-san," Misato interrupted, bowing formally.

"And her friend, Ritsuko Hibiki." Nodoka continued giving her daughter a stern glance. Ritsuko responded with a quick nod.

"Hibiki?" Akane asked. "You wouldn't know a Ryouga by any chance?"

"Who?" Ritsuko looked puzzled.

"Oh, he's a friend of mine, he wears a bandanna like that," Akane pointed at Ritsuko's bandanna and, ah . . . "

"Gets lost easily?" Misato asked with a grin as she narrowly avoided Ritsuko's elbow.

"Couldn't cross the street by himself if his life depended on it," the pigtailed girl broke in. She winced as Akane's pet jumped at her and began biting her finger.

"Ranko, it's very rude to say such things," Nodoka said firmly.

"Oh, sorry Auntie. I guess I wasn't thinking," Ranko giggled, putting the hand that didn't have a pig attached to it behind her head.

"Say no more," Misato put her finger to her nose and winked. "Look, Rits, you hardly ever see your family, right? Considering your parents' 'condition' you might have dozens of brothers and sisters you've never met."

Ritsuko slowly turned to Misato and gave what Misato had come to know as the "Hibiki stare". Over the years Misato had built up a resistance to this cold, piercing and unstoppable technique but today she was sure that she was getting a double dose. She looked around for the other source. The only possibility was Akane's piglet, which had stopped its attack on Ranko and looked like it was shaking with rage. For the first time Misato noticed it had a bandanna that looked just like Ritsuko's around its neck. One might almost think . . . . Nah!

"Tell me, Akane-chan, how is your cooking coming along?" Nodoka asked changing the subject.

Akane blushed and stared nervously at her fingers. "It's getting better, Auntie," she mumbled.

"Yeah, right," Ranko sniffed.

"I gave Akane-chan some lessons just a few weeks ago," Nodoka explained to Misato and Ritsuko.

"Now she can boil water!" Ranko grinned.

"Ranko! Please give your cousin some support," Nodoka admonished the small redhead.

"Sorry, Auntie," Ranko said meekly.

"That's great, Akane!" Misato grinned giving her a thumbs up sign. "Boiling water is all a woman needs in today's society. You go girl!"

"What?" she asked as Ritsuko jabbed her in the ribs. Ritsuko said nothing and frowned.

"So, I hear you're engaged to my little brother?" Misato asked turning back to Akane changing the subject.

"Yes," Akane said slowly looking slightly sheepish.

"What's he like? Have you two gotten anywhere yet?"

"What?" Akane demanded.

"Oh you know," Misato winked." First base? Second base?"

Akane glanced at Ranko who gave her a stern look. Both of them quickly turned away, blushing furiously.

" I don't believe it," Misato laughed. "Sweet sixteen and already the heartbreaker! The little squirt moves fast!"

Ranko started coughing violently as Akane giggled.

"Oh my Ranko-chan! Are you all right?" Nodoka asked going over to the girl.

"I'm fine, Auntie, I just swallowed my tea wrong. Auntie, I was wondering, Uncle Saotome never mentioned Ranma having a sister."

"Imagine that," Ritsuko whispered.

"Quiet," Misato hissed.

"Really? I wonder why. I'm sure that he had a good reason," Nodoka said matter of factly. "He probably was concerned sentimentality would interfere with Ranma's training to become a true man."

Now it was Misato's turn to choke on her tea. "Oh please, Mother, don't tell me you're still going on about that man among men crap?"

"Misato! We are guests in this house! Apologize to Tendou-san at once!"

Misato closed her eyes taking a deep breath. "Please forgive my outburst, Tendou-san," she said bowing low.

"It's quite all right, Saotome-san, It happens to all of us," Soun waved it off smiling.

Misato smiled warmly before turning back to Nodoka. "But Mother, it's ridiculous. I don't know why you even keep that contract."

"Probably in case she ever comes to her senses and needs grounds for divorce," Ritsuko whispered sotto voice.

"You stay out of this," Misato hissed, "and anyway, Mother, the last time I brought someone home who met your standards of a manly you nearly cut him in half!

"That was different, dear."

"Oh really? How?"

"I don't think it's appropriate to discuss these things with company, dear."

"Mother . . ."

Nodoka's glare and slight frown ended the argument once and for all. A second later Nodoka smiled. "Well now, how about I help Kasumi in the kitchen."

* * * * * * *

The rest of the visit had gone uneventfully other then Ranko narrowly avoided being scalded by a boiling pot of water, which had gone flying when Nodoka had tipped during an inappropriate moment. Misato could quickly see that Ranko was her mother's latest project. Oh well, better her then me, she thought.

"Ranko-chan is such a sweet young lady wouldn't you say, Misato-chan?" Nodoka had asked.

"Oh please, Mother, she fakes it worse then I do," had been Misato's reply.

They had left Nodoka with the Tendous after supper was over. Nodoka was staying the night and was going to take Akane and Ranko shopping the next day.

"He had a very nice . . . . Mustache," Misato said dreamily as she and Ritsuko walked towards the Nerima train station.

"That was odd," Ritsuko scratched her chin pensively.

"What?" Misato asked.

"Oh please. Don't tell me you didn't notice anything strange about that kid?

"Which one?"

"The redhead, Ranko."

"You mean other than the pleasure of watching someone else getting Mom's special treatment?"

"Come on, Misato! Don't tell me you didn't notice the way she nearly choked or held her breath every time your Mom so much as mentioned Ranma. Or the way she was acting with, what's her name, Akane."

"Oh that's easy to explain," Misato said smugly.

"All right then, Holmes, tell me."

"She obviously has the hots for my little bro and she's jealous."

Ritsuko sighed, shaking her head as she rolled her eyes skyward. "Okay how about this? Comb out the pigtail and dye her hair purple and would she remind you of anyone?"

"Should she?"

Ritsuko gave Misato a look.

"You're not suggesting that my Dad sleeps around do you?" Misato asked sternly.

"From the few actual facts I can get from your ridiculous hero worship I wouldn't put it past him. But in this case I doubt it. She looks like a 16 year old version of your Mom for crying out loud. And the other thing. Where did she get the panda?

"What panda?"

"The one you might have noticed eating at the table next to you if you weren't so busy ogling the host. "

"Oh, that Panda. Who knows? Maybe it escaped from a circus."

"Unless your government was given one as a gift you are not going to see one outside of China. And the way that one acts is hardly like any of the ones I've seen in the zoo. All they ever do is sleep."

"Oh no, I know that look. You're not going to stop until you've figured out the answer to whatever riddle it is. Even if it's none of you're business."

"Damn straight. Meet me after class tomorrow afternoon. I have an idea," Ritsuko smiled mischievously.

* * * * * * *

"How could you do something so foolish?" Captain Katsuragi demanded. "It's bad enough that we are at the brink of destruction. Fighting between ourselves is just the opportunity the Seele empire is looking for to defeat us once and for all. And with that radioactive automation heading towards Tokyo 3 they won't have to work very hard."

The senior executive of the coalition that had built the robot hung his head in shame. For the past hour they had done everything in their power to shut down by remote. So far it had done them no good.

"There's nothing for it then." Katsuragi said at last. "The only thing that can be done is to shut it off manually."

"It is possible," Ritsuko said. "If we were able to catch up with it on one of the EVAs we could probably get you into its control room. The only problem is getting the right security clearances otherwise there's a chance we'll have a fifty kilometer wide crater just by touching the controls."

"Hope," said the senior executive.

"What?" asked Katsuragi.

"The security password is 'hope'," the executive clarified.

The robot was several kilometers ahead but the EVA had speed on its side. Its fast gait caught up with the robot in no time. Katsuragi rode in its palm dressed in a radiation suit.

"We're nearly there, Ritsuko, I'm ready to board," she said into her comlink.

"Good, now remember this is our only chance so try to make it count."

"Got it."

"Good luck, Misato, we're all counting on you," Lt. Ryouji called out.

"That means a lot, Kaji."

"Ms. Saotome!" Commander Ikari shouted.

* * * * * * *

"Yes sir! Misato shouted, jerking her head up from her notebook.

"Are we keeping you awake, Ms. Saotome?" Professor Ikari slowly pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. He looked more then a little annoyed.

Misato blushed as several of her classmates began to giggle. "Ah, no, sir. I was just taking some notes and I got wrapped up in what you were saying."

"Yeah, right," someone behind her whispered.

The rest of the class had gone even slower then usual with Ikari using her as the victim of a private interrogation. The bell came as a relief to Misato.

"One moment, Ms Saotome. Would you see me in my office?" Ikari asked just as she was getting up from her desk.

Misato slumped back down in her chair and sighed. It seemed that escape would be impossible.

* * * * * * *

Professor Gendou Ikari slowly turned another page studying Misato's file. Misato fidgeted as she fought the two conflicting emotions of terror and boredom. Ikari finally closed the folder, steepled his hands and stared up at Misato. "I must say I'm surprised, Ms Saotome. Your grades are actually quite good. Are you bored here?"

"Oh no sir! Never! Everything is hunky dory!"

"I'm glad to hear that," Professor Ikari pushed his glasses up his nose yet again, " I was afraid you might have a little too much free time. I happened to be talking to the principal of Furinkan High School. He told me they have a counseling position available. Since I see you were minoring in psychology, and doing your training there already, I took the liberty of suggesting you for the job."

"Oh sir that really isn't necessary," Misato said quickly, "not that I'm not grateful of course, but. "

"No trouble at all, Ms. Saotome, and don't worry. It won't effect your work load, much." Ikari handed her a piece of paper. "You'll only be dealing with three cases to start with. I'm sure you know them already."

Misato looked at the names written on the paper. If she hadn't already come up with Emperor Keele of the Seelie Empire she would have made Professor Gendou Ikari the villain of her story.

* * * * * * *

"Scary," Ritsuko muttered watching the girl select vegetables at a corner stall.

"Huh? What?" Misato asked. She had been too wrapped up in her own problems to notice anything.

"Kasumi, she's so much like this classmate of mine it's scary," Ritsuko repeated.

"Anyone I know?" Ritsuko asked.

"I doubt it. She's this gaijin transfer student. She just started this semester and lives with another classmate. If you met her you'd see what I mean."

Misato shrugged and walked up to Kasumi who was inspecting tomatoes. "Hi there, Kasumi wasn't it? It's me, Misato Saotome. We met last night, remember?"

Kasumi turned to the pair and smiled. "Oh my, Saotome-san, Hibiki-san, how nice to see you again. How are you today?"

"Terrific, Kasumi, thanks for asking. Say, I was wondering. Rits and I were talking and we couldn't help but notice you looked a little stressed out yesterday. Anyway, we're on our way for a night on the town and we were wondering if you'd like to come along."

Kasumi's eyes widened in surprise. "Really? You mean it? . . . . I mean, thank you, Saotome-san, I'd love too."

* * * * * * *

"And then he said, 'no, that's a scrub brush!'" Kasumi burst out laughing, pounding her fist on the table.

Ritsuko and Misato looked at each other slightly confused. This was a facet of bathroom humor that had never occurred to either of them.

"I don't get it," Misato mumbled as she finished her third Yabisu.

They had taken Kasumi to one of their favorite hangouts, the Peach Blossom. The Peach Blossom was a karaoki bar popular with many secretarial pools and most of the female students at the university.

"Oh, I like this, I want another," Kasumi giggled as she downed her drink. "It's so fruity. What did you call it again?"

"Margarita," Ritsuko said signaling the waiter.

The waiter was a tall gaijin dressed in very tight jeans with black suspenders. A pink muscle shirt covered a massive chest. He was far too handsome for his own good. "Vot can I get tchu ladies?" he asked in a thick German accent flashing a blinding smile.

"Another round, Klaus. A Manhattan for me and whatever rot gut Misato's drinking."

"Und vat vould di new girl like?" the waiter asked winking at Kasumi.

"Oh my." Kasumi stared at the waiter blinking rapidly.

"Another margarita," Ritsuko smiled showing her fangs as she rested her chin on her fist.

"Coming right up, Rits-chan," Klaus turned and sauntered over to the bar.

"Hello? Earth to Kasumi-chan." Misato waved her hand in front of Kasumi's face.

Kasumi said nothing. She was completely hypnotized watching Klaus walk over to the bar to get their order. "He models to," Misato whispered in her ear.

"Do tchu need anyting else?" Klaus asked as he handed out their drinks.

"Your phone number?" Kasumi blurted out.

"Rookie" Misato mumbled covering her hand with her hand.

Klaus smiled radiantly. "Dot is need to know information, Lieb-chan." He said gently.

"But I need to know," Kasumi pouted. "I need to know really bad."

"Forget it Kasumi-chan," Misato said patting her on the shoulder. "Greater people than us have tried and failed." Kasumi stared at her drink looking very much dejected. "So, Kasumi-chan, can you tell me what my father's like? I haven't seen him since I was eleven."

Kasumi looked at her drink again and took a long sip finishing almost half of it. She winced from the temporary brain freeze. "Don't get me started about that lazy slob," she muttered.

"Hmm, sounds like him," Ritsuko nodded.

"Be quiet," Misato growled finishing off her beer. "Go on, please, Kasumi-chan."

"At least Ranma tries to do the right thing, even when he is constantly breaking things and messing up my house. At least you get a good laugh when she finally remembers the reason you're supposed to keep the toilet seat down, again!" Kasumi finished her Margarita. As if by magic Klaus appeared at the table with replacement drinks for her and Misato. "But Mr. Saotome," she continued, " when he isn't just lying around or cheating at Go with father he's eating us out of house and home." Kasumi sipped her next drink. "And don't get me started on how he clogs the bathtub with his shedding!"

"Wait a minute, did you say she?" Ritsuko asked.

"My father sheds?" Misato added.

"I don't know, Misato, this is beginning to sound as weird as that story you're working on" Ritsuko commented.

"You write?" Kasumi asked.

"It's a hobby," Misato looked a little embarrassed.

"That is so exciting! I tried once but nothing I tried once but nothing I did was any good. What's it about?"

Misato proceeded to tell Kasumi about the EVAs and their valiant battle to save the world from the evil Seelie Empire. She even got out her notebook. Kasumi looked through it fascinated.

"Well what do you think?" Misato asked.

"I'm afraid I'm a little confused. In this last scene here. Who's piloting the EVA?" Kaasumi asked pointing to the last page of the notebook.

"Err."

"It's her first draft," Ritsuko said. "Other then that how do you like it?"

"Oh. I like it so far but I'm afraid some of it seems a little derivative," she said closing the book.

" What would you suggest?" Misato asked.

Kasumi took another sip of margarita thinking. "I know, make it so the world is hardly worth saving at all. Make it a dark and messy place that has to be tidied up. Make the Seelie Empire the least of the heroes' problems."

"Interesting, but how would the world get that way?"

"I don't know. How about if you have a bunch of dumb as dirt martial artists getting into a fight over something, a rice cake for example, and then all hell breaks loose. Eventually half the world is destroyed when they blow up a nuclear reactor. Something like that. "

"Oh, come on Kasumi-chan, what sort of idiot would start a fight over something that trivial?" Ritsuko asked. "And you can't suggest they'd cause that much damage?"

Kasumi gave her a look that seemed to imply Ritsuko had asked the stupidest question ever. "What does it matter?" she asked finally. "The world is a mad house anyway."

"Whoa, time out, time out, you're getting too serious, Kasumi-chan cheer up!" Misato interrupted. "You can't let life get to you like that! Here, it's our turn at karaoke, let's sing!" Misato grabbed Kasumi by the arm and dragged her to the stage.

"Misato wait! Not Sinatra again!" Ritsuko cried in desperation.

Too late.

* * * * * * *

"Are you sure Misato will be all right?" Kasumi asked as they stumbled out of the Peach Blossom.

"Don't worry, this happens all the time," Ritsuko laughed. "Right now I'm more worried about you, Kasumi-chan. I called you a cab, you should get home just fine."

"Yeah, just hunky dory," Misato slurred.

"Are you sure?"

"Our apartment is just a few blocks away. I'll be able to walk Misato home no problem."

"Just a nice midnight stroll," Misato giggled.

Kasumi hesitated as her cab pulled up. "Thank you for everything, you guys are the greatest," she said hugging both of them. She got into the cab and drove away.

Ritsuko smiled shaking her head. "Come on champ," she said putting Misato's arm around her neck. "Let's get moving."

* * * * * * *

Ranma looked down at his plate of eggs and burnt toast. The eggs still had the shells in them. Akane claimed it was breakfast. He looked at his father who was still in panda form and Mr. Tendou who looked to be suffering just as badly. Nabiki had gone to school early. "Is Kasumi sick?" he asked.

"I don't know she hasn't woken up yet." Akane said looking at her watch.

"Oh my, I'm sorry, I didn't realize it was this late." Everyone turned to see Kasumi stumble into the dining room. She was still dressed in her nightgown and wrapper. Her hair was a mess and judging from her bloodshot eyes she could probably use another day of sleep.

"Kasumi!" Are you all right?" Soun asked.

"Please, Father, don't shout so loud, " Kasumi begged. " I just have a bit of a headache and I'll be able to . . . . excuse me." Kasumi covered her mouth and ran for the bathroom.

Everyone waited in silence until they heard the flush of the toilet. Kasumi stumbled back into the dining room. "I'm sorry, the eggs got the better of me," she muttered.

"Are you all right, Kasumi?" Akane asked softly.

"There's no need to raise your voice, Akane," Kasumi muttered rubbing her temples.

"What happened to you last night?" Soun asked. "When you didn't come home we were so worried!"

"We had to eat Akane's cooking!" Ranma added earning a blow upside the head from Akane.

"Oh my. I'm sorry I went out with some friends we had such a wonderful time." Kasumi winced as she rubbed her forehead. She sat down next to her father and poured herself some tea. "Akane, could you get me some aspirin," she asked.

"This is just a great end to a terrific week," Ranma said sarcastically. "First a sister I never knew I had shows up, Then Mom visits with her in tow. Then I have to go shopping with Mom and Kasumi disappears so I have to eat Akane's cooking!"

"Watch it," Akane growled as she came back with the aspirin.

"To make matters worse Pop refuses to change back rather then telling me anything about her and for all I know, I might run into her again today."

"You're being ridiculous, Ranma. She has no reason to see you until school starts again." Akane was getting tired of this particular rant fast.

"How can I be sure of that?" Ranma asked no one in particular.

* * * * * * *

Misato was finally awakened by the smell of Ritsuko cooking rice. She had a splitting headache and she wasn't sure if she would be able to keep anything down for the rest of the day. Of a scale of one to five she would give this hangover a four and a half. There was only one cure for this, beer.

She slowly got up and trudged towards the refrigerator. On the way she noticed that she had been sleeping in her clothes again and had passed out before she even had a chance to get the futon out of the closet. Oh well, not the first time that had happened. So far the fact she was walking in grass had escaped her.

"Ah, so you're finally up." Misato looked around bleary eyed to see where Ritsuko's voice was coming from.

"Yeah, yeah, where's the fridge? Need beer." A can of Yabisu hurtled towards her. Misato's instincts took over. Without looking she caught it in one hand. It was a bit warmer then she would have liked but it would have to do. She popped it open and took a long swig.

"Yeahahh! That hit the spot! I can face the day now!" She shouted.

"We're all happy for you," Ritsuko muttered.

Misato turned to see her roommate cooking rice at the campfire next to the pup tent that Ritsuko kept in her backpack for just such emergencies. As lucidity finally kicked in she realized she had spent the night sleeping in the woods.

"Where are we, Ritsuko?" she asked.

"Damn good question, " Ritsuko refused to turn as she answered.

"Where are we, Ritsuko?"

"You wouldn't believe it, the batteries on this global locator died. After I've had it for only a week. What a rip off!"

"Ritsuko!"


End file.
